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Dear Ms. Sarbox

Advice: Dear Ms. Sarbox

Every office has one… a crusty old legacy who thinks they know everything and can’t wait to answer your questions with humor that might have been fresh when Eisenhower was President. Meet our own Ms. SarBox. She has her own style…

 

Dear Ms. SarBox:
Early in my career, the managers of my company actually specified the super extreme (professional) dress code – to the level of ‘underwear required’. I’d like to know if the requirements for SOX are a little less confining… Or is ‘al a natural’ a little more acceptable in this age?
Becca from Kentucky

Dear BFK,
The key principle behind Sarbanes-Oxley is forced transparency. Now cloaked only in translucent veils of commerce, corporate leaders’ little …inadequacies… are there for all of Wall Street to see. But a nice girl like you can still take comfort in the modesty provided by proper foundation garments.

 

Dear Ms. SarBox:
The SEC estimates that it will cost $91,000 annually in order to be in compliance with just Sec. 404. Is it really worth it?
Cheap in Charleston

Dear Cheap,
Try looking at it from another angle.
Cost of compliance: $91,000.
Not being a convicted felon: Priceless.

 

Dear Ms. SarBox:
How will I know if my company practices are ethical?
Clueless in Cleveland

Dear Clueless,
Have your tried changing the batteries twice a year in your ethics detector?

 

Dear Ms. SarBox:
There is so much advice from vendors about how to prepare. Are they just after my money?
Distrustful in Detroit

Dear Distrustful,
I’m sure they like you for your personality, too.

 

Dear Ms. SarBox:
The janitor told me that shredders are now illegal. Is this true?
Gullible in Greensboro

Dear Gullible,
Is your janitor a former Arthur Andersen Partner?
Shredding is now a tricky process and proper data retention is imperative. However, sufficient coffee stains in strategic areas of key documents can achieve the same results.

 

Dear Ms. SarBox:
I’m having trouble getting my software up. Will this keep me from satisfying Sarbanes-Oxley?
Helpless in Houston

There is a solution. You take it one hour before trying to launch an application… [Ms. SarBox to Editor: Are you sure these are all real letters?]

 

Dear Ms. SarBox:
What if I have a small or private company? How does this effect me?
Ignorant in Iowa

Dear Ignorant,
Are you small or private or both? Be honest, we won’t judge.

 

Dear Ms. SarBox:
Do I need a big tool in order to comply with Sec. 404?
Worried in Wisconsin

Dear Worried,
Why are you readers always worried about the size of your tools?
If you know how to use the tool you have, you might not need anything else.
[Ms. SarBox to Editor: Are you ABSOLUTELY sure these are all real letters?]